Illumi Illuminates
by Top Secret Magician
Summary: Illumi, the Puppet of Darkness, comes to illuminate everyone in the most random ways possible! Not to mention, in the most random costumes possible, picked out by none other than your favorite clown, Hisoka. (Short series of total crack/humor.)


**Illumi Illuminates**

**Author's Note:**

**It has been an awful while. I'm actually nervous. But my petty feelings aside, HELLO FFN! I am back with a new crack story that suddenly popped into my head! (Yes, I was **_**that**_** bored.) This is NOT oneshot, I repeat, NOT. It will be continuing. I hope you enjoy my crappy sense of humor!**

**Disclaimer:**

**If I were to own Hunter x Hunter, I would just put a whole lot of crack in it. So NO, I do not own Hunter x Hunter. It rightfully belongs to Dogashi, I mean, Togashi. But I like to call him Dogashi. (His mangaka character has a dog head.)**

**Chapter One**

* * *

It had merely been a joke at first, or so Hisoka intended it to be. But he never imagined his expressionless best friend who had absolutely no sense of humor would take it seriously. Maybe Hisoka _should_ have seen it coming; like he himself said, Illumi Zaoldyck had no sense of humor what-so-ever. But then again, it wasn't like Illumi to take his joke seriously either. So seriously that his assassin character was breaking apart. And was this a good thing? Even Hisoka didn't know.

**xXx**

It was a one warm day when that certain 'incident' happened. Gon and Killua had been strolling around the forest of an unknown city, taking notes of the plants and animals that lived there. Of course Killua had been very reluctant to do it, but Gon had insisted.

"It's very important to know about the nature surrounding you, Killua!" said Gon sternly.

"Why in the world would 'nature' be important to me, Gon?" Killua sighed tiredly. "My specialty is killing, for crying out loud."

"But nature is very interesting!" Gon burst out. "Come on Killua, its fun!"

Grumbling about how his best friend _always_ seemed to find fun in everything, Killua had no choice but to follow Gon deeper into the unfamiliar forest.

"See here, Killua? Look at this plant, Killua! Wow, it's actually _moving_!" Gon scribbled furiously on his notepad with his green ink pen.

"Hn~ That's pretty cool actually." spoke Killua with interest. He himself pulled out his notepad to take notes when he froze.

"Killua?" Gon looked up to see Killua's panicked expression. "Is something wrong?"

"My pen." whispered Killua. Then in a louder voice, he spoke, "MY PEN!"

Gon blinked several times in surprise at the hysterical note in his friend's voice.

"You..lost your pen, Killua?" Gon furrowed his brows, clearly worried. "But you had it in your pocket!"

"YES, BUT CAN'T YOU SEE I'VE LOST IT, GON?!" Killua shouted. He pulled at his hair. "MY PEN!"

"Whoa, whoa!" Gon raised his hands up in defense. "Killua, calm down! It's just a pen, Killua! Just a pen!"

"_Just a pen_?" Killua repeated dangerously. Gon covered his ears. "IT WAS BLUE! IT WAS A BLUE INK PEN! BLUEEE!"

"You…you can always use mine." Gon squeaked, holding up his own pen nervously.

Killua swatted it away.

"YOURS IS GREEN! I DON'T NEED GREEN! I NEED BLUE!"

Gon frowned at his fallen pen, looking rather hurt.

"That was uncalled for, Killua! I was trying to help! Why are you so obsessed with the color blue anyway?!"

"Well why are _you _obsessed with green?!"

The two boys glared at each other, nose-to-nose, quite forgetting their original plan of entering this forest. But before they could shout even further, suddenly, the air around them shimmered, and a figure came into sight in a blast of light.

"Worry not," the strange long-haired fairy sang. "Just jot a dot, and call on fairy, he isn't scary, for Fairy Illumi illuminates!"

Gon and Killua gaped at the 'fairy' in front of them. It was Illumi in a long purple dress. His hair had been tied up with a tiara perched on top, and worst of all, he had fairy wings attached firmly onto his back.

Finally, Killua mustered up the courage to say,

"How am I supposed to 'jot a dot' when I've lost my pen?"

Fairy Illumi cocked his head, and then snapped his fingers. As he sang,

"Fairy dust, do what you must!" in that awfully boring monotone of his, he did a twirl, sprinkled sparkles in the air, and brandished a pen that looked exactly like the one Killua had lost.

"There we go." said Illumi blankly. Handing the pen over to his still-gaping brother, he nodded, satisfied. "Fairy Illumi illuminates." He stated, as if this explained all. And without even a glance at Gon, he vanished.

Gon and Killua stared at the spot where now only sparkles remained. Then they stared at each other.

"Well…" Gon struggled to say. "Well now we know who to call when we're in trouble, right?"

"Right." His friend snorted. "I'll only 'call on fairy' when I need someone mental." Killua shook his head in disbelief and disgust. "_Honestly_, what was Aniki _thinking_?"

The two started walking around the forest again, trying to shake off the permanent image of Illumi in a fairy costume.

"Speaking of 'mental'," Gon spoke. "I wonder what Hisoka is doi-"

"NOOO!" Killua clumped his hand over Gon's mouth at the speed of light. "Gon, the clown's name is a _taboo_! You must not speak of it!" He hissed.

"What," Gon said in a muffled tone. "Hisok-"

"SHHH!" Killua shoved his fist into poor Gon's mouth. Glancing warily around them and finally deciding it was safe enough, he took his fist out. "That creep will appear just at the sound of his name!"

"Oh…" Gon nodded, then making a motion of zipping his lips, he whispered, "My lips are sealed!"

"Oh, really?" spoke the ex-assassin sarcastically. "They seemed to be wide enough to me."

Mouthing 'oops', Gon giggled and Killua grinned. But no sooner had they begun to forget about Illumi and his strange taste for dressing up, they spotted a letter fallen at the bottom of a tree not so far away.

Killua had a bad feeling about the neat purple letter that gave off a golden glitter. A very bad feeling. He shouted,

"No, Gon, don't touch it-"

Too late – Gon had picked it up.

Smacking his face with his hand, Killua stood next to Gon to read the letter in the boy's shaking hands.

"_Beware with care of whatever you do, for Fairy Illumi is always watching you."_

Needless to say, the two boys ran off screaming at the top of their lungs, and a certain fairy smiled to himself as he watched them from on top of the tree.

**xXx**

Oh, yes. It had all been a joke at first, to Hisoka. But now it was turning out to be…quite an entertainment. Which was a surprise, since Illumi was hardly ever 'entertaining'.

Hisoka smiled to himself as he twiddled with a juicy red apple.

_This is only just the start of my fun~_ He giggled to himself. _Oh, I'm getting so turned on~_

"Hisoka."

"Oh, you're back already, Illumi~" Hisoka smiled widely at his friend, and couldn't suppress his laugh. "I like your fairy outfit."

Illumi rolled his eyes.

"You're the one who picked it out."

"Yes, and I have a long list of others you'll have to wear in the future~" The glint in Hisoka's eye was even more maniacal than usual. Which was saying something.

Illumi narrowed his eyes, slightly nervous. Hisoka's taste in clothes weren't always good news to him. He almost asked the clown 'Are you sure it's safe?' Almost. But instead, Illumi bit back his words and left without another utter.

Hisoka chuckled.

"I'm glad I suggested that joke~" And he happily took a bite of his apple.

**_xXx_**

"_Hey Illumi~" drawled Hisoka._

"_Yes, Hisoka?" Illumi replied blankly._

"_You're the 'Puppet of Darkness', aren't you? Since all the Zaoldyck children are assassins, and according to you, you all should be the 'Puppets of Darkness'"_

_Illumi pondered on Hisoka's musings for a second before giving a short nod._

"_I am. Why?"_

"_Well then, you'll never be able to illuminate anyone, will you?"_

_Illumi stopped dead at Hisoka's words and blinked at him._

"_Illuminate?"_

"_It means to shine light on an object and make it brighter and more visible. It also means to unclear something difficult to understand and make it clearer."_

"_I know what it means." Illumi snapped back in his ever-monotone. "But why the sudden suggestion?"_

"_Oh, nothing~" Hisoka laughed. "Since you're the Puppet of 'Darkness', I just thought it wouldn't be possible for you to, ah, 'illuminate'." He laughed even pleasantly. "Illumi illuminates." And finally, he was bursting out with fits of giggles._

_All this had been a joke; a short entertainment to occupy Hisoka's boredom, but Illumi had taken it quite seriously. For the good or the bad, yet again, Hisoka did not know…_

_But what he did know, was that things were going to turn out more interesting than it ever was._

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**So… *twiddles fingers* How was it? Not very funny, I know… *scratches head* But! It'll mean a lot to me if you were to review. Thank you! And I'll be back! With big news, so just please keep up with me! Thank you.**

**TSM, OUT!**

**(Oh, how I MISSED saying this SO MUCH. *happy tears*)**


End file.
